slo{e}motion sickness…

after a while.. i’ve learned the patterns of this friggin cube that frustrated millions of people in the world..

pero di ito ikukwento ko.. parang ayaw ko din mag english.. di ko alam.. pero sa pagso-solve ko sa rubik’s cube.. habang nakikinig ng jimmy eat world.. naisip ko na ang buhay pala ay parang rubik’s cube. madaling guluhin.. mahirap ayusin.. at hindi mo sya maaayos agad kung di ka magiisip. i’ve learned my lessons about life.. at alam kong madami pa akong dapat matutunan..

nakakatuwa lang isipin na sana, kung magugulo ulet yung buhay ko, pwede ko lang sya masolve gamit ang mga algorithms, ang mga patterns, o di kya baklasin lang para buuin ulet. pero hindi eh. hindi ganun.

ikaw. binasa mo tong mga bugtong hininga ko. kahit di ko naman ine-expect na may babasa nito.

pero kinoconsider ko pa din sarili ko na maswerte sa madaming bagay.

siguro, mahahanap ko din yung mga solusyon sa buhay. gaya ng pagsolve ng rubik’s cube sa loob ng 5 minutes.

salamat.

2007…

Haha… As I bravely predicted by the end of 2006… For me 2007 will rock… AND IT DID!!!

Career… I resigned from my job at Converse last January… Started studying 3d animation using Maya 7 at the First Academy of Computer Arts, which lasted for 6 months and I’m currently making that damn demo reel… but I haven’t finished it yet, coz I landed with a job at Caylabne Bay Resort which I think I enjoyed more often than not, I had a nice compensation, free trips to the beach, yep trips! Meaning many!!! Free hotel accommodations, and I love those freakin’ FOODS! That I can’t even pronounce… steaks and all and some foods that costs thousand bucks or more… all for free… I think I did a lot of things here at Caylabne and Las Casas… Basically the EPRC stuffs… I’m a one-man graphic machine… from photographer to lay-outs… and boy everything in between! It suited me well because I like those kinds of stuffs… I’m kinda heading to a new career this coming year… And I think it’s gonna be, like Steve Irwin said, GORGEOUS!

Springbreak, we had lotsa gigs but not as much as 2006, since we decided not to gracefully indulge ourselves in ticket selling gigs which we think are really pathetic for bands that are starting out and craving for gigs… well we did shows that require us to bring some of our friends but that isn’t necessarily ticket selling… guess what… We had a lot of gigs now that we are on stage… nice amps… nice drumsets… big backdrafts… like san Miguel gigs and became part of the

TOWER

OF

DOOM

siege tour… lotsa people watching us… but what we enjoyed more is how the hardcore pulilan malolos bulacan scene still welcome us… yeah! We had a lot of underground shows! And we damn loved it… guess what… we started to record our own songs… well we did in the past but now, we went to monopond

pasig

to record it.. We have three songs recorded now, released one of them… coz it’s the only one that’s mixed and all… some friends had copies of the other two unreleased songs… please wait for 2008 for the release… we are currently working on the other songs.. Aside from the 2 unreleased tracks… we are still ongoing in the recording process… hope you guys can wait for the cd… and we’re gonna sell it the cheapest way possible… I think we’re gonna sell springbreak shirts too to generate income… so watch out for it… talking about income… ryma, yeah!! He has work now!! So there’s more fund in our recording… yeah!! Yep! Oh, many kids and scenesters started noticing us… and it’s flattering in our part… adding up on myspace and friendster and all… telling us what they think of us after they watched us play or heard our demo… I guess 2007 is a great year for the guys…

Family… we’ll since my Lolo went to heaven… the family has been closer… though I started to live far from bulacan… we, my sister and hardcore bro cosio, rented an apartment at Makati… thus cosio and I became the Yague Streetcore duo… since a lot of the people there somewhat clueless of the counter culture… so there.. On weekdays I’m at

Makati

… a mere 30 minutes ride to work including traffic…  and I see to it that I go home on Fridays when work is finished… my mom likes it when Im home… even if im bumming around… sleeping all day.. watching TV… making up for the stress I had from work… she just likes the thought that I’m home… and we eat lunch and dinner together… well sometimes dinner, no… because since its weekend… we had gigs or the crew is having a night out… I sometimes join them in hearing Sunday masses… though its kinda rare coz they’re hearing mass at 7am… so that means I need to go up early like six or so.. Much early when I’m in

Makati

, coz I wake up in

Makati

around 7:30 or 8… Though work starts at 8… hahaha… basically… my sister and I had been the closest now… im with her at the apartment though we rarely see each other there… she comes home at dawn… I only wake her up when I’m leaving for work… but we had lotsa dinners… and movies… along with her boyfriend… and officemates… I’m really not into dating… so I guess only watch movies when my officebuds and my sister and her officemates or boyfriend asked me to join… I want my next date to be me and my girlfriend… my cousins… they miss me… hehehe… they told me so… coz my last work is at ortigas and I’m now at Makati… they’re staying at pasig… and I seldom visit them… too bad… we only meet at family gatherings… unlike before that after work… I stay at their house… watch some movies… drink some shakes… basically bummed around at their house… I miss them too… I miss my Lolo, I love my Lolo… I know he’s looking at me now…

Lovelife?…ohhhhh… I think everyone knows how my lovelife is alive and kickin this whole year round… I think its very evident in community sites like friendster and myspace… hahaha… still no one will stop us… even though there’s a great amount of distance between us.. We never lost communication… we text always… talk on the phone, all the more on long weekends and holidays… emails and comments.. That we assured to each other that even though we’re miles away… we’ll always be there and someday we’ll be together… for always… YEAH… and yes… 2007 is a great chapter for me and my girlfriend, its basically our first year… and we are looking forward for more years to come… We have losta plans… and we plan in making them come true… and we are… when I was a kid… I ask for petty things that I just love… well most of them didn’t come true… or didn’t last long… but now… I know that I have been blessed with someone that I love… who loves me back… who loves me too… and it feels so great to love and be loved in return…I love her, my champ, my forever… and ill never fall out of love this time… coz I’m loving what I’m feelin and I’m inlove… I’m inlove with my STEPH!!!!

I’m eagerly looking forward to 2008… Yes!! I’ll tell you all what will happen or what did happened for the year to come… this time next year… I guess I’m having the hang of writing year-enders…

2007 is great… but I know 2008 will kick 2007’s ass obliviously!! Hell yeah!!

Ooh… I had a haircut by the way… no more longhair… only spikey ones..

cheers for 2007 and for the year to come…

Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon. A happiness weapon. A beauty bomb. And every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in the air - explode softly - and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air. Floating down to earth - boxes of Crayolas. And we wouldn’t go cheap, either - not little boxes of eight. Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in. With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest. And people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with imagination. ~Robert Fulghum

so my hands started to make the keyboard sound like clutters.. wishing that it has the same effect when my fingers strokes the black and ivory keys of an old piano at home… ive wasted my eyes surfing the net for like 4 hours now so that I decided to write… this is nice about my job.. I have got free internet access… so I use it whenever im not rushing work… which rarely comes by the way… but now… its like im just home… Ive done two or three layouts… and that’s it… unlike before that… I needed to be at the office round 8 or 9 just to finish ten f*cking layouts… which size is as big as those billboards at edsa… so imagine processing time and the rendering time on my pc… which is now… turtle slow.. but im glad my personal computer back home isn’t… oh… work starts at 8… but I come there around 7am… so… man.. this is not about the work… its so fuckin boring if it is.. so… since ive been surfing sites… its imperative that I watch videos of some of the bands in youtube… and there I am… watching a latest video of a band which ive been listening since I was in college… back when emo is subtle… and not marketed as it is now… so this band came from the underground… as the people in youtube commented…and so I know… since, like what ive said, ive been listening to this band since I was in college…and me and my bandmates will go down south to watch this band.. with other bands which stayed underground… oh.. we came from up north by the way.. so that’s effort for you.. anyways… since emo is the new chucktaylors nowadays… everyone is claiming that he/she is the inventor of it… or… in pure subtleness… the supreme true emo being … or shits like that… and started cussing the posers… or people who have bangs or hair color.. or who wear baby tshirt… stating that they listen to dashboardconfessional… or the ataris… of even finch… so… are these true emo boys… (punk and hardcore and metal have the same problems by the way…) so… are these true emo freaks… become the essential emo being right away? and decide who’s the poser and who’s not? im thinking… this is too f*cking selfish… and it is getting on my nerves… that it made me write this… there are purist but they don’t go to this level… point and point… rant and rant… just like a spoiled brat… who didn’t get g.i.joe action figures at Christmas… MAN!!!! who made them emo by the way? they are but a fan of this band… who put themselves at youtube… to reach larger (internet driven) listeners and had their third album.. released in the market… I cud still remember them (this band) selling their cd’s at underground gigs… a burned cd with a sticker on it… and Xerox copied (or cge na nga printed or powdered) label/inlays… and that’s it.. selling it for like 60 bucks… I am happy on how this band has gone a long way…the only band which is not as goodlooking as those of the more famous and the more chick-driven bands of today… I for sure know that people is listening to them… and not just looking at them… and that’s nice… music is made to be heard and not to be looked at… musicians are made for music… and not for being hotshots… even if they are… I hope they keep the music first… than concealer and makeups… so this band is rating high on myx and mtv countdowns… and that’s nice… they’re sharing their music to a larger crowd… unlike those gigs where there are a 70 plus people in the pit… anyways…  I forgot what im blabbering about.. haha.. oh.. I also remembered… this soooo-called emo god.. is the underground king!… he states that this band will do better if they remained underground… and that the posers will multiply by the dozen byt the minute because they saw this on tv… or… “naastigan sila” and then gagayahin na… I guess this underground king wants to be unique… and I have nothing against people who wants to be unique…. BUT!!!!!! youre just imitating the baby shirt of chris roe of the ataris… the well trendy BANGS of the bands nowadays… someone did it befor YOU!!! well then… if the bands you adore is on tv…  you cant do nothing about people imitating them… so stop ranting that dumadami yung gumagaya ng porma… if you yourself is just imitating too…

this sickens me.. so ill stop writing this article of somesort…

DUDE!!! if you know the true sense of the genre you like… don’t OWN it… and if you point your finger and accuse “posery”… teach them what you know… maybe you have just discovered the genre earlier than they are… and their state now is nothing much different from the state you were some months ago…

again, DUDE!!! if you are the underground king… don’t be terribly terrible about the fact that your favorite band crossed the line… coz you cant do nothing about it… it’s the bands decision to cross the underground to sell-out line. and not you… the band is purely technically good… na kahit anong gawin nila… madidiscover talaga… so quit peeing in your pants ok?

me… I just go listen to the music… if I like it.. I listen to it… I don’t care whether its underground or not… I remember myself saying that punk is not a trend… it’s a music! it’s a lifestyle..

dude… emo has gone a long way… from post hardcore days of rites of spring and embrace… even Ian Thomas Garner MacKaye never considered himself and his band emo…

so you’re asking who ian is?? haha now im laughing…

and if you do know him… good for you..

***the sex pistols were voted to rock and rolls hall of fame… they cursed the motherf*ckers… coz they dont care about awards…***

this is the very first love letter i wrote in spanish… i hope all my grammars are correct.. coz i have really put my heart and soul into this..  all i ever used to write this is a webster dictionary.. and some words are from my girlfriend… yep.. MR. JOSE R IZAL… be ready… someone’s gonna right another spanish novel… and this time… its all about love… hell yeah!!! ops ops ops… para kay steph lang to.. hehehehe… its just… im darn proud na nakapagsulat ako nito…

here it goes..

"te quiero! usted significa el mundo a mi. gracias para no acostarse temprano cada dia, para hablar conmigo. aprecio realmente todo esas cosas que usted hace para mi. te echo de menos y mucho. yo no quiero perder este sentimiento, soy tan en amor con usted. permanezca conmigo, esto es lo que necesito por favor. cada momento, usted es siempre en mi mente. gracias para enseñarme como sonreir. te quiero para siempre. espereme por favor, porque algun dia nosotros seremos juntos, esto es duro pero espero que todo mi español sea correcto, hehehehe…te quiero mucho mi steph… mi chocolate blanco…tome cuidado siempre. mi corazon es tuyo, y tuyo solo… otra vez, te quiero y mucho y mucho y mucho, mi amor, mi vida, mi todo … muah!!! "

ok.. im ok..

who wud have thought.. haha.. that the idiotech wud find someone unique…

and someone unique.. wud find the idiotech..

"sade" your right.. this is no ordinary love… yep.. i dont care if i sound mushy…

i am..

riding a bike is now cool.. i dont haf to use side wheels..

and oh.. didnt i tell you.. id ride a bike once more.. if id learned how to stand..

i fell.. but someone fell with me.. and falling didnt hurt as much as i expected falling to be.. coz.. i had fallen.. and knew how it felt.. im kinda expecting what to feel this time.. but.. i fell differently.. i thought.. i knew how falling was.. but shit.. she made the fall far more "especial"… and i kinda love the feel.. soo.. i did fall… she was with me.. holding my hand while i did.. and told me not to worry.. coz.. im not alone.. i was amazed.. me.. not alone? this cudnt be.. am i dreaming? or am i part of someone’s dream?  cudnt believe it.. wake up pao.. woke up the next morning.. with some hangovers.. and i think.. why’d i woke up.. i was dreaming so good.. then.. boom.. she’s there.. she’s real.. what we have is real.. i smiled.. i am not the  person i used to be.. i.. now… am happy… for like.. the first time.. and so i fell..

she picked me up.. showd me how to stand again.. we helped each other to stand.. still holding hands.. even with the space between us.. we didnt mind it.. we dont mind it.. i tell her.. hey.. we are still under the same sky.. i cud run towards you.. and i will.. and with that.. without even knowing.. i.. the idiotech.. who had lived in blood and darkness.. is riding a bike without side wheels.. sorta matt hoffman like.. discovering colors for the first time.. embracing the brightness of each day that past..

i am now afraid.. unlike before.. coz now.. i feel that i exist.. before hand.. im like a ghost.. with no one to call my own.. with no one to call me theirs.. but now.. my name… there is a "ko" after it.. and damn.. its like ive never heard it before.. "paopao ko"… hah.. i now belong to someone.. i now lookforward to each day.. that despite the distance.. this is substancial.. that.. i.. in due time.. wud have the space in my fingers occupied.. wud have my lips.. hmm.. moist.. and my heart..

well it now beats..

my heart.. it beats.. beats for only her…

"the after the fall category… hmmm.. well.. this is after the fall.. but every day.. i feel im falling deeper.. and deeper.. and deeper.. and i dont mind.. as long as she’s on my side… i am invincible.."

february’s gone.. so am i..

fuck this..

dont want to feel what i feel inside anymore..

the past three weeks has been the one of the greatest moments of my life.. if not "the"… and iv prooven that moments, regardless of where you are, or what you are, matters with whom you are with.. and with that.. these three weeks that past became a moment.. a special one infact.. because there was "you" in it.. with me.. i could never thank God enough for you.. and if in my arms i see you cry.. im sure.. that it wont be because youre sad.. but because youre happy.. and that’s why im here for you in the first place.. to be the reason behind your smile..

ei guess what.. thanks for bein the reason behind my smile too…

*** written while listening to "love of a lifetime" by firehouse***